Nothing Has Changed

just-want-you-to-know-that

13. Just so you know, I still care. We may not have spoken to each other in a while, but that doesn’t mean if my phone lit up with your name tonight, my heart wouldn’t skip a beat like it used to. It would.

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100 Happy Thoughts About You

Hello, E.

I decided to post this as a blog entry to remind myself how I should keep smiling despite of troubling days.

I’m not expecting you to read everything that I wrote to your graduation letter, but just in case you feel down and need a little smile, you can also read this.

Some happy thoughts about you:

  1. The moment you wore jumpers in / during my INTRDEV class
  2. The moment you wore that bright dress that almost everyone in the class stopped and stared at you
  3. The moment you sang “Migraine” in front of me and how beautifully you sang
  4. The moment you texted me and invited me to sing karaoke with your HR friends
  5. The moment when we first went out to get some coffee (on a Sunday night)
  6. The moment you teased me if I’ve already fallen for you
  7. The moment you share your scary movies and some “twisted scenes”
  8. The moment you always think of puns and how witty you are
  9. The moment you got excited when I challenge you to do your best in studies during a term because you’ll get a surprise
  10. The moment I find out that you shifted from a SHRIM course to Computer Applications
  11. The way you laugh in a sarcastic way (sometimes)
  12. The moment I gave you an illustration board full of handwritten notes / letter from your truly
  13. The moment how messy your hair was but still looking adorable
  14. The moment you wore rubber shoes, a hoodie, and leggings as if you’re doing work-outs
  15. The moment how you looked surprised every time I gave you flowers
  16. The moment I hid a note below your keyboard in class and how I saw you smile secretly
  17. The moment I went to your house for the first time and surprised you during Valentines Day
  18. The moment when you texted me that your heart literally skipped a beat
  19. The moment I played the violin for you and also tried playing it too
  20. The moment that you spent the entire Valentines Day with me and us talking our lives
  21. The moment when you told your groupmates that you and your capstone adviser should switch places and teach her to code
  22. The moment you first held my hand and trying to do you “magic tricks”
  23. The moment you shook yourself because “you are my world”
  24. The moment I accompany you going to your place, even just by walking or riding a cab
  25. The moment I went to Sherwood Place together with you
  26. The moment you told me that there would be nights you’ll be clingy and asked me not to get tired of you
  27. The way your mood swings happen and me trying to be nice
  28. The moment when you told me that you might cry if you start telling our “love story” and how it started
  29. The moment you finally saw my blog telling all things about you
  30. The moment you posted my number in one of your tweets because I loaded Php143.
  31. The moment you thanked me for waiting and calling you after you went home after 3 AM
  32. The moment you had days that you don’t even feel well because I want to give you medicines and take care of you
  33. The moment I gave you a small journal as a retreat letter
  34. The moment I gave you a small stuffed toy so I can see you smile
  35. The moment I would see you from LRC, waiting for me
  36. The moment you drew scribbles on my fingers and how warm your hands were
  37. The moment when you grabbed by hand, lock your fingers to mine, then place them in your cheek
  38. The moment when you’re being jealous if I am going out with my girl students
  39. The moment I just stared at you the whole time you were talking
  40. The moment you’re being competitive with our intellectual arguments
  41. The moment you trash talked when I lose to a card game really really bad
  42. The moment when you surprised me going to school early morning just to give my baon for my retreat and how I almost cried in tears because of overwhelming joy
  43. The moment when you used my phone and tried to beat my high scores
  44. The moment when you scolded me for not eating rice because I am still not eating healthy
  45. The moment you were “forcing” me to eat French fries
  46. The moment I find out how you like spaghetti in McDonalds
  47. The moment you’re getting upset to some of your friends’ situation but you still shared your stories with me
  48. The moment we watched a movie together
  49. The moment you told me that you’re planning to make me fat and cook food if you have time
  50. The moment when I hear you giggle
  51. The moment when you’re trying to understand my corny jokes
  52. The moment when you told me you missed me and you’ll find time to see me
  53. The moment when you asked me to read out loud my retreat letter for you
  54. The moment when I first hid flowers for you to someone else’s locker
  55. The moment you and Don were surprised and didn’t say a word when I gave you flowers in front of the class
  56. The  moment that I want to fill all the small journals expressing my feelings towards you
  57. The moment when I always tell people how amazing you are as a person and how important you are to me
  58. The moment when you told me that how I wished I stopped you from Dudz
  59. The moment when some of my students will just tell me that they saw you and if you were happy or smiling
  60. The moment we stayed up late to finish some modules for your capstone
  61. The moment when you saw me wearing pajamas
  62. The moment when some of my students caught us together in McDonalds
  63. The moment we spent a whole together and get busy
  64. The moment when you dared me to hug you when we’re still inside the school
  65. The moment when we walked slowly in front of the campus while holding our hands together
  66. The moment when you told me to bathe you because you were too lazy to take a bath
  67. The moment when we were talking about our future together
  68. The moment when you asked me to promise that I won’t leave you
  69. The moment when you told me that how you wish you’ve stayed with me at the end of the day, because you feel safe (and normal)
  70. The moment when I hug you being awkward most of the time
  71. The moment when you call me “Sir” inside the campus
  72. The moment when I can see you smiling outside from the consultation room
  73. The moment I find out that you, Don and Teejay were checking my old posts in Facebook
  74. The moment when you learned about my “dark childhood” and you were still with me
  75. The moment I randomly text or message you when I dreamt of you last night
  76. The moment I can smell your perfume and I can easily tell it’s yours
  77. The moment when I asked for your jacket and keep it
  78. The moment when I always hug your jacket when I fall asleep, thinking you were there next to me
  79. The moment when you told me you miss me more
  80. The moment how you looked serious about work-related matters
  81. The moment I would always think about you and you weren’t even trying
  82. The moment when you talked about your family and your personal problems
  83. The moment when I always remember your mannerisms when you present in front of the class
  84. The way how you make me miss you more
  85. The way you showed me how to celebrate life
  86. The way you convinced me that brain cells cannot be regenerated
  87. The moment when you told me that you demonstrated how to fix ear phones the proper way (to your cousin)
  88. The moment when I tried not to let go of your hand, and you also doing the same thing
  89. The moment I kissed you in your forehead because I respect you and to let you know how important you are
  90. The way you act tough, yet you still look and act maturely
  91. The moment you told me that you still like me
  92. The moment I told myself that I will going to marry you someday and when I start thinking about our kids and how we will raise them
  93. The moment when I can still see you smiling from afar even we’re not together
  94. The moment when you tell me to take care of myself
  95. The moment when I realized how lucky I am that I met a person like you that would make my world upside down and see things differently
  96. The moment how important your family is to you and what to prioritize first
  97. The moment how I need to be patient because goods things await
  98. The way you make me feel about you that is unconditional
  99. The way I should also love myself before I can fully love you
  100. And the way you let me show my feelings for you, even in smallest possible ways

For the longest time,

A

Suprise!

surprise

Gave this during your graduation pictorial. I won’t get tired doing these things for you. Sorry for making you feel super awkward.

Not-So-Good Dream

Good evening, E.

I decided to write a quick blog before I finally head back to sleep. I was trying to sleep before 12 midnight but my body clock is still not up for it.

Anyway, I just want to recall what I dreamed the other night and I wanted to share this to you. It was a the first time I felt unhappy when I woke up from a good dream (since I saw you there).

It was almost afternoon when you arrived from our home in Cavite, smiling. You were holding a big stuffed toy, almost 4 feet tall. You were smiling and laughing before the stuffed toy were as if it was moving and dancing.

Then I saw a note from the big bear (it was a blurry moment) that it came from someone. I can’t hardly see the handwriting but it definitely it wasn’t mine. Little did I know that it was your birthday (knowing that you told me that you’ll be celebrating your big brother and father’s birthdays.)

My heart felt rushing, not because I was happy, but I felt incomplete. I felt really bad that I didn’t have the chance to surprise you. My mom even told me that it was your birthday and she told me that received other gifts from others, except from me.

You were waiting in our small kubo just outside the garden and near the door, anxiously. You were waiting as if you were expecting something from me. When I went there to see you, I felt disappointed to myself. I went outside empty-handed. I thought to myself that I can’t even give you a greeting card or letter, so I went back inside the house and looking for a piece of paper and a pen. I was too pissed when I decided to wake up, not knowing that it wasn’t even your birthday.

When I woke up in the morning, I realize that I haven’t spent some time to write a letter for you – a handwritten one – just like the old times.

Honestly, I’ve been terribly busy for the past few days we could have seen each other. I felt that I never made any effort just to see you. Maybe because it’s a bad timing. When I was trying to reach you, you were also preoccupied with other things – which I do understand. I just felt that I could  use a breather away from work. I could use some time off to catch up with our lives together. I do miss our small talks.

It’s almost 9 days before your graduation day and I’m excited for you. Both of our lives will be busier but I just want to tell you that I’m always here for you, even we have topak days (I also have one!) or signs of discomfort. I always want to make you feel safe even I’m not around, because I care for you.

On the side note, I cut my hair really really short. Most of my students liked it but some we’re feeling uneasy because it’s not your typical Abram. Sir O liked it. Even the new CA secretary was surprised and mistakenly identified me as a student. Boss Ben liked it first but he said I had a funny haircut. I’m still trying to act confidently in front of people, but sometimes I feel funny with myself too (cause my face is too round!). I want to grew my hair really really fast so it would turn our great when we finally see each other.

I have so much stories to tell you and hoping we can talk person to person again. I miss those smiling face of yours, and how you would strike your pogi sign with your adorable cheeks. I even miss how you laugh to my corny jokes, or how you trash talk when I’m already losing hard from a game of Monopoly Card Deal. I miss how you always win in our small arguments, seeing your competitive side. Did I say that I also miss how you smoke your cigarettes next to me? (Not sure if you’re smiling while reading this part or you’re thinking that I’m getting weird already.) It fascinates me how you look calm and serious while smoking, yet you still maintain that witty side of yours.

I miss you, E. And I still can’t stop thinking about you.

Good night and take care! Hope to see you soon.

For the longest time,

-A

Little Surprise

Just in case you visit Robinsons (Ermita or Galleria) and you happen to see one of my directory kiosks, feel free to search you name.

little-surprise

 

Of course I am not gonna spill the small surprise. I added some few lines of codes when it was time to update the application at the end of the month.

I’ll make it better next time 😉

– A

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