that smile

The moment you smile like that, a little part of me is melting. And it makes me crazy.

Stop. Just kidding. Please don’t.


Use Case

Hello E,

We were just together few hours ago, and I can still recall most of the things happened. I am currently writing this post half-awake and I hope you will understand a word from it.

I can’t stop staring at you. Seriously. When you were doing your revisions for your paper, I entertained myself looking for moles around your arms. I find it a funny moment because you didn’t feel distracted while I’m looking at you most of the time. I find myself busy and not being bored by staring you. I hope it’s not too much weird for you but I was liking what I’m seeing. *winks*

I almost thought we can’t install Visio 2013 in your machine. I almost gave up re-installing the application when we were in the library. Good thing we had a good Internet connection. I suddenly imagined if we never went to my favorite place and you decided to went home instead. We could have stayed longer if we went early but that’s okay. Spending each minute with you is definitely worth having.

Sorry if you feel like I was treating you like a kid. One thing I can never forget was when I tried to feed you. I was a bit surprised that you were okay with it. I never knew that you can finish spoonfuls of chicken pesto. Hahaha. Next time I’ll order more.

Then it hit me – how I wish I could take care of you for real. I want to be the one who takes care of you when you’re sick. I even want to prepare breakfast meals for you. (That’s why I asked you if you eat meals during morning.)

It was the first time I heard you laughing continuously at some point. I was actually smiling the whole time despite that my eyes were getting tired already. I almost want to sleep but I don’t know where to place my head. Maybe in your shoulder, next time? *wishful thinking*

It was also the first time you argued with me because of a certain diagram that you need to accomplish. I find it trivial and very interesting moment for me.

I noticed how ridiculously slim your legs are. Do you know that I had a weird fascination with people’s shin? It happened way back I was still training in our taekwondo club during high school.

Speaking of high school, I felt happy that one of your closest friends were actually my school mate before. I can finally relate with your friend and hopefully with your other friends as well.

Sorry if I kept on poking your hips and your arms. I was trying to distract you and never mind so I think it’s cool with you.

Honestly, I really want to hug you at some point during our conversation. Call me weird but I’m a selective hugger. I was just trying to control myself that if I hugged you, you might pushed me away. That’s why I was being hesitant. *paranoid*

Denise was teasing me during the afternoon and I saw her hugging you all of the sudden while looking at me. I was laughing that time and was really jealous.

I was blushing the whole time in the consultation room because my students find out my cellphone’s wallpaper. They didn’t say any word after that small incident. I kinda felt they were being supportive.

Anyways, I hope your parents didn’t get mad because you arrived late going home. When I saw you left the cab, you hurriedly went inside the gate as if the guards were already closing by midnight. Good thing that curfew hours were imposed.

I hope you’ll ace your quizzes tomorrow. If not, then you can always improve and do better next time. Just don’t pressure yourself to memorize every notes tonight. I wish I can help you review with your other subjects but those weren’t my forte, sad to say.

Thank you for sharing a little part of your world to me tonight. How I wish I can just freeze the time every time we are together. Sorry if I still can’t get enough of you and I’m still longing for your not-so awkward conversations and your smiling face too.

Good night and have a plenty of rest for tomorrow’s classes.

Missing you always *not gonna deny it anymore*,

– A

Happy Monday

Hello, E.

Just in case you’re wondering, it’s already past 1 AM on my watch and I am not sleepy yet. I skipped dinner because I was full the whole afternoon. I only ate some whole grains and cereals for my midnight snack.

You must be probably sleeping safe and sound right now.

Few hours ago, we were just together – talking and just talking. It was the first since the last time I stared at your face for so long. Though I can see that you’re eyes were really tired, I can see how happy you were there with me (or maybe I was assuming?).

I am still feeling guilty that you waited for me for several hours in Duke’s Coffee Place even you told me it’s okay. It was past 5 PM when I left Mall of Asia to meet you. I actually didn’t finished the Divergent movie because the climax of the movie wasn’t really that great. I went back to your meeting place as fast as I could, still thinking that you already left. But you stayed and that made me glad.

You looked better than the other day, I should say. You were still coughing really hard and I was hoping you can get rid of your sickness before the school resumes on Wednesday. I felt kind of bad for letting you stay despite of the bad weather.

I hope you like the ‘impromptu’ flowers I gave you. I know that you like the color pink and it suits you.

I really can’t stop staring at you. I almost memorized all the details of your face.  Just kidding.

You hold my hand quite long for the first time. I felt your warm hand, thinking that you’re still recuperating. I wish I could hold your hand longer until you feel better, but I was already giggling that time.

Artist in the Making

I am sorry that I had to ‘stop’ you from doing your ‘magic trick’. It made me laugh a little when I refused to participate.

You made me watch a short horror story from YouTube but it didn’t get me. We could have just watch a full-length movie. Let’s do it next time we’re available, okay?

Still curious about the piece of paper you suddenly took from me. It could be a note for something or for someone. Or probably a retreat letter for me? (not gonna pressure you to write me a letter but it’s up to you)

I still find myself awkward because I’ve been a regular customer of the restaurant for so long and they were teasing me because of you. I was trying to control my emotions when I was with you, while melting the whole time.

I really felt hugging you that time and see what I can do to ‘transfer’ your sickness away from you. Wish that could really work. I was still feeling hesitant because you might reject my hug or something. Or maybe I was just waiting for your signal. You could really use a comfort hug. Me too.

I also want to thank you for letting me accompany you going home. Even though I felt that you’re tired the whole day, I made you happy even just a bit. I want you to smile with or without me around. See you happy makes me happy too.

I hope you had a great time reading my not-so-secret blog. I wish I could have hide it from you for a longer time but I thought the timing was right. I was actually smiling the whole time when you’re reading all my past posts one by one. I hope it didn’t get too much of you.

I am not promising anything but I’ll try my best to keep this blog updated as possible. So if you still want to read anything from this blog, please feel free to do so.

Is it too early to say that I miss you already? I can’t agree more that I’m having this ‘separation anxiety’ the moment we parted ways. I couldn’t imagine myself not seeing you at least a day each week. I really want to see you every single day but that will still take years or so. *daydreams*

Hoping to catch up with you again really really soon. I will put our Tagaytay trip on the list.

Rest a lot and have a good night, beautiful person.

For the longest  time,

– A


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