What’s Wrong with Me?

Everything was still vivid when I woke up from a bad dream.

You were eating in the dining room with everyone except me. I was watching outside from a television and I only saw you across the windows.

I was eating chips while talking with my brother when your cousin Aska suddenly showed up from nowhere. I tried to look and walk away, trying to avoid her, but she insisted to talk. I greeted her and offered some chips (???).

She asked me if I already talked you. I said no because you were eating inside.

And then I left.

I felt bad to myself when I woke up from my dream.

I wish I could change what happened.

I really felt it was the real thing.

It was couple of days ago when I decided to cook some pasta. I made it extra special just for you.


Added more bacon!

It was the day I wanted to surprise you but you already told me that you’ll arrive in Taft late. I still decided to bring some food to your house and brought the overdue gift.

It was a busy and hot Friday afternoon. I chose to walk instead of taking a cab because of the traffic jam. My heart was raising fast while walking towards your house because I didn’t know what your mom will react after seeing me again for a long time. I had in my mind that she might not recognize me.

And boy I was right.

I saw her just outside near your blue gate, doing some laundry. I tried calling her the first time but I wasn’t sure she heard me. So I shouted again.

Here’s the conversation we had (non-verbatim):

Me: Tao po. Tao po.

Her: Sino sila?

Me: Good afternoon po. Ako po yung schoolmate ni Eriza.

Her: Wala sya rito. Mamaya pa ang uwi. Balik ka na lang mamaya.

Me: Ay opo. Ako po pala si Abram.

Her: ???

Me: Ako po yung ano… Yung teacher dati ni Eriza.

Her: ???

Her: Ahhh. HIndi kita namukhaan. Kanina ka pa ba?

Me: Ahh hindi naman po. May dala po pala akong pasta para po sa inyo.

Her: …

Me: Sige po. Una na ko. Sabihin ko na lang po pumunta ako.

And I left. I can still remember how terrified I am when I speak to her. Nevertheless, it was a fun experience for me because I had to chance to see your mom again (I really wished I stayed the whole afternoon so I can finally see you).

Later that evening, my heart was happy when I saw this:

It was a success.

Hope you enjoyed my pasta.

Looking forward to surprise you again.

– A

(Belated) Happy Valentines Day, Eriza!

I was supposed to surprise you last Tuesday but can’t find the right moment.

It’s been a year.

Still hoping to see you (and be with you).

When You Thought Dreams Were Real

I dreamed about you last night. Twice.

First, we were at the mall with your friends. (I was seeing Don and someone I cannot remember.) We had a small talk first. Then I went to somewhere else alone when I met my mom and my sister. I told them that we’re seeing each other and ask my mom if she wants to meet you in person.

My mom was hesitating at first but she agreed. I was surprised that when I was about to return to your place, you suddenly show up. You were smiling. I formally introduce you to my mom and my sister.

My mom hugged you for few seconds then both of you started talking. You told her that she lose some weight and how young she looked. Then you talked some more.

It was a happy moment for me that time. Then I woke up in the middle of the night.

The second dream was about you giving me a cake with a note saying “I miss you.”. I couldn’t react that time but the first thing I did is I took a photo of the cake from my phone because I want to save that moment.

After that, I was just looking into your eyes the whole time while holding your hand.

And then I finally wake up.

I wish dreams were real but I have to wake up to reality.

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